Rounds 4&5: Bitches Get Switches

[parvati]

Oh yay, a tribe swap! I'm so excited! So many new minions to control! <3

That probably sounded sarcastic, so I'll take a brief second to step out of character and say that oh hell no that was not sarcasm. I'm pretty sure that Jenn Brown and Kimmi Kappenberg would have had no problems with that tribe because it was nothing but a bunch of vegetables. [/joke that only makes sense if you remember they were both vegetarians]

I have a lot of thoughts about this business, and where to go from here. Sadly, I wasn't able to bring my throne with me, so I'll just have to rule without it until I can get it shipped over from Saluma beach. That's okay, though. It'll serve as a good catalyst to repress the peasantry under my new dominion in a fairly saucy manner. 

We won the challenge, which was very nice to see. This tribe is way more functional than my old one, and it'll be really fun to insidiously work my way into the cogs and start destroying them. Probably the most enjoyable part was Alex and Burton trying to cop an attitude. It was the verbal equivalent of being gummed by kittens. Very cute. I don't really understand why they do that - I haven't been talking smack about them or about their tribe. (Except, omg, the horrible comment that I'm "more dashing" than Angie. Gawd, Parv, you bitch.) So I'm basically just enjoying myself in a supremely queeny fashion, and along they come to start talking trash against someone who isn't fighting them. Unprovoked attacks aren't cool, but I decided not to meet them on their level. Noblesse oblige, and all that. Besides, if I started going on about how Burton's bitch tits are bigger than mine, and Alex looks like something I'd pay an exterminator to get out from under my sink, they'd start crying, and I'd have to fake an apology, and it would just be awkward for everybody. Watching them try to verbally overcompensate was much more entertaining, and kind of adorable. I think at the merge I'll vote off all of their allies and make them wander around helplessly like a wingless fly before I skoosh them. 

If we do lose, Rob is probably going to be the first to die, partly because he was a bitch during the challenge, and not in a fun way. The other reason is that I just really fucking hate Boston Rob and I vote him out of every game that I see him in. 

Courtney and Colby and I had a really good connection. Andrea's also there, but I have to say this. I just have to. You know the old expression, "X is as boring as watching paint dry?" Well one time Andrea and I talked about watching paint dry. We talked about the aesthetic value of beige paint, and that was FAR AND AWAY the most entertaining conversation that I've had with her. And now I'm an alliance with her. Thank goodness I have Colby to flirt with. Courtney's a tuba player, so we had a great conversation about blowing. I was able to recommend several lip exercises to keep up the stamina, and she had some helpful tips about everyday substances that make fantastic lubricant. 

Oh yeah, and random sidenote before I go to bed. 

You know who my favorite reality contestants are? Carolina Eastwood and Britney Haynes. 

Commence whining about how you hope I waste my new idol, bitches.

[parvati]

Step one of hiding my tracks: visit the idol thread about 13 times to drive up the view count. Too few, and newcomers will assume it's only one person checking and double checking the thread. Too many, and people will suspect PWs are also checking, or something. Either of those gives a clue to the personality of the person who found the idol. Too few, you're compulsive and paranoid. Too many, you're an attention whore. Both of those terms apply to me, so naturally I don't want to give people a reason to suspect that I've got the idol.

13 views, it's usually a safe bet that at least two players have visited that thread and tried to claim something there. Nobody's going to take "Parvati sat around clicking the thread over and over to deliberately confuse people" as a default assumption. This way, whenever someone else gets around to cracking the clues, they'll assume they're at best the third person to do it, and that's important. Being the second person to find the idol means you only need to assume that there's one person on the tribe smarter than you. Being the third person to find the idol means you need to assume that either there are two people on the tribe smarter than you, or that there's one person on the tribe smarter than you, and they have a trusted ally that they shared the password with. Both of those situations create exponentially more worry for the hapless idol finder, because it implies an alliance they're not in, and puts them on the defensive. Defensive people are much easier to control and anticipate.

I'm casually considering who I'll blame the idol find on, on the off chance that someone seeks my advice on the matter. It'll probably be Rodney or Natalie. Rodney's the most plausible candidate, but I feel an irrational need to squash Natalie, so that might just happen for the giggles.

[parvati]

Step two of covering my tracks is one of the oldest, but certainly the most fun, tricks in the book.

As everybody knows, the best way for a gal to maintain her power and keep her boytoys happy is to get really good at faking orgas- err, idols. 

Teehee.

There are a couple of ways that I could use this lil beauty to get people under my thumb. I could "help" someone find it, thereby allowing us to get all giggity-giggity about how we hold all the power, and blar de bar. That's a really easy way to secure someone's loyalty and get myself a new love slave, but when the idol invariably turns out to be fake, it'd be good to have plausible deniability.

Likewise, I could also just straight up give the fake one to someone to ensure their loyalty, but that's an old trick. Plus, it only works on the very very stupid, so I'd be limited to about 75% of the cast for potential victims there. 

A really silly thing to do would be to blow the thing at tribal council, thereby making everybody wonder who punk'd Parvati and is carrying the real idol, never once suspecting that it was me all along! Nyaha! There's really no reason to do that except to pretend I'm a Scooby Doo villain who does villainous things because they're there to do, and lesbihonest, I'm not even remotely hurting for characterization and airtime this season so there's really no point in unnecessary attention whoring maneuvers. 

So, what I'm going to do is just screw around with things for the fun of it, which is a really underrated strategy in Survivor. The best thing to do with a fake idol is to just sit back and let someone else find it, then suppress the giggles until showtime. I seriously can't tell you how hilarious it is to watch a fake idol trainwreck someone's game. 


PS - If you know where that fake idol is from it makes it fifty times funnier that I'm using it. 

[thenavneet]

Question: How exactly is someone going to find this fake idol of yours?

Disclaimer: I have no idea what the real password is and what the Mystery Location board looks like inside.

[parvati]

Aug 20, 2015 21:06:53 GMT thenavneet said:

Question: How exactly is someone going to find this fake idol of yours?

Disclaimer: I have no idea what the real password is and what the Mystery Location board looks like inside.

I did totally say the components of the real password in my first post in this thread, Maxy.  

When you get in, there's a task you have to do to get the idol. If someone gets in and does the task, they'll get that lil beauty instead. <3

[parvati]

15 views. Bwahahahaha it begins.

[Rodney]

Still don't understand how someone was gonna find that