The ACTUAL Best-Looking Juror's Questions
Sept 14, 2015 7:28:38 GMT
Danielle DiLorenzo, thenavneet, and 4 more like this
Post by parvati on Sept 14, 2015 7:28:38 GMT
Take several seats, Alex. The real sexpot is here, and ready to get freakay with the final three!
I mean, really, can you compare to this hotness? Nnnno.
So HAAAAAAY finalists, hope you're having a nice day.
So HAAAAAAY finalists, hope you're having a nice day.
For serious, though. I bet everybody was expecting me to post some big ol' gripefest about poor little me and how I got shafted harder than... well, me on any given Friday night.
Fact is, I was telling the truth when I said I didn't give a shit about being voted out. I love Julie and I love this series to death, but me and this cast just didn't click on several fundamental levels, and it was no bueno. I wasn't enjoying "playing" with this group at all and I had more fun on the jury than I did in the game, times a billion, and that's a fact. So, no bitterness in this tiny shrivelled heart of mine.
That being said, I'm going to be my typical confrontational, giving-zero-fucks self tonight and lay out how it's been to watch the three of you from the sidelines.
First off - Rodney. I honestly have nothing bad to say about you. In our one or two conversations you seemed like a pretty neat guy, and really the only thing I dislike about you is that you never gave me a chance to work with you. I think we would have been awesome together, since you were one of the few people that actually a) got on AIM more than once a year and b) had shit to say that was worth hearing. I honestly can't tell you how much of a fucking rarity that was in this game. If I could build you a statue made out of bacon and sex, I would do it, because that's how highly I value your super-rare basic competence.
I also admire the fact that you were clearly a threat for a huge portion of the game, and in a game like this where threats are cut down for sneezing in a particularly intimidating manner (seriously, I was working a full time job and had maybe two hours a day max to participate in this game. How the fuck was that threatening to anybody?), it's very impressive that you managed to get to the end. Seriously, I have no idea how you did it, and my hat is off to you.
Secondly - Mike. Dude, I did enjoy our very brief conversations, and as far as I understand it you were one of the few people who didn't throw me under the bus the round I left. Those are great things! But the fact of the matter is that you were an unbelievably boring presence in this game. I hated Beauty and everybody on it, and I wanted to outrun the stench of that failure tribe as hard and as fast as I could. From what I've heard from the other jurors, your function in the game was mostly to show up and agree with the plans of players who were better than you. Whether that's true or not, I don't actually know. But that's the read that I got from everybody else. I'm having a hard time wanting to vote for you, because there are zero game reasons for me to do it. The personal reasons? They abound. But I've been completely divorced from personal involvement this whole time, and I don't know that I should start now.
Thirdly - Andrea. My word, Andrea. Do you remember that one conversation we had about paint? Where we talked about how beige was a boring color of paint? I sure do. Because that conversation, which was literally about watching paint dry - the most boring color of paint, to boot - was the most interesting conversation that I had with you all game. Girl, if beige is the highlight of the Andrea Boehlke experience, that is just freaking sad. Even Mike did better than that. Hell, even certain members of Brains who shall not be named because I don't want them coming in here bitching at me were better than that.
But at the same time, you, the social equivalent of standing in line at the DMV, managed to inspire a tremendous amount of hatred amongst the jury. I fucking love that. I really do. I have no idea how you possibly could have used THAT social game to a) get people's trust, and b) maintain people's trust so well that they actually got angry with you for breaking it. Seriously. I've heard that you betrayed me when I left, and I couldn't have fucking cared less, because you were so boring that I never remotely imagined you had any fond feelings towards me. That all sounds like I'm backhanding you, but I swear it's a compliment. Somehow you worked this bizarre social gameplay that I don't understand, and when you've been around the block for as long as I have, finding something this unusual is a goldmine. It's like discovering a new pokemon in one of the original games, that nobody ever knew was there. I am impressed, and I do not impress easily; much less by anything in this game.
So there you have it. I'm impressed by Andrea, I respect Rodney, and I like Mike. So which of you three should get my vote?
Frankly I don't really know a great way to decide that, because there are great reasons to vote for each of you. So I'm going to have a little fun with this, and take a page out of Natalie Bolton's book.
I want you to romance Parvati. Imagine she's some random person of your preferred gender in a bar or church or wherever it is that you go a-prowlin', and tell me how you'd put the moves on her(him?). I want four very specific things, but you can go as far above and beyond these guidelines as you feel like. Just, keep it PG-13. Some of these jurors are underage.
1) What pickup line(s) would you use to get my attention?
2) Where would we go on our first date? What would we do?
3) If you were to write me a romantic poem, how would it go? (And I will absolutely be googling the hell out of whatever you submit so don't you dare try and search "stupid love poems" to get out of putting the effort into this. I want an actual original poem!)
4) What would be "our song"?
NOTE: This is intended to be fun. Don't take it too seriously, give answers that are exactly as goofy/stupid as you feel like being.
Fact is, I was telling the truth when I said I didn't give a shit about being voted out. I love Julie and I love this series to death, but me and this cast just didn't click on several fundamental levels, and it was no bueno. I wasn't enjoying "playing" with this group at all and I had more fun on the jury than I did in the game, times a billion, and that's a fact. So, no bitterness in this tiny shrivelled heart of mine.
That being said, I'm going to be my typical confrontational, giving-zero-fucks self tonight and lay out how it's been to watch the three of you from the sidelines.
First off - Rodney. I honestly have nothing bad to say about you. In our one or two conversations you seemed like a pretty neat guy, and really the only thing I dislike about you is that you never gave me a chance to work with you. I think we would have been awesome together, since you were one of the few people that actually a) got on AIM more than once a year and b) had shit to say that was worth hearing. I honestly can't tell you how much of a fucking rarity that was in this game. If I could build you a statue made out of bacon and sex, I would do it, because that's how highly I value your super-rare basic competence.
I also admire the fact that you were clearly a threat for a huge portion of the game, and in a game like this where threats are cut down for sneezing in a particularly intimidating manner (seriously, I was working a full time job and had maybe two hours a day max to participate in this game. How the fuck was that threatening to anybody?), it's very impressive that you managed to get to the end. Seriously, I have no idea how you did it, and my hat is off to you.
Secondly - Mike. Dude, I did enjoy our very brief conversations, and as far as I understand it you were one of the few people who didn't throw me under the bus the round I left. Those are great things! But the fact of the matter is that you were an unbelievably boring presence in this game. I hated Beauty and everybody on it, and I wanted to outrun the stench of that failure tribe as hard and as fast as I could. From what I've heard from the other jurors, your function in the game was mostly to show up and agree with the plans of players who were better than you. Whether that's true or not, I don't actually know. But that's the read that I got from everybody else. I'm having a hard time wanting to vote for you, because there are zero game reasons for me to do it. The personal reasons? They abound. But I've been completely divorced from personal involvement this whole time, and I don't know that I should start now.
Thirdly - Andrea. My word, Andrea. Do you remember that one conversation we had about paint? Where we talked about how beige was a boring color of paint? I sure do. Because that conversation, which was literally about watching paint dry - the most boring color of paint, to boot - was the most interesting conversation that I had with you all game. Girl, if beige is the highlight of the Andrea Boehlke experience, that is just freaking sad. Even Mike did better than that. Hell, even certain members of Brains who shall not be named because I don't want them coming in here bitching at me were better than that.
But at the same time, you, the social equivalent of standing in line at the DMV, managed to inspire a tremendous amount of hatred amongst the jury. I fucking love that. I really do. I have no idea how you possibly could have used THAT social game to a) get people's trust, and b) maintain people's trust so well that they actually got angry with you for breaking it. Seriously. I've heard that you betrayed me when I left, and I couldn't have fucking cared less, because you were so boring that I never remotely imagined you had any fond feelings towards me. That all sounds like I'm backhanding you, but I swear it's a compliment. Somehow you worked this bizarre social gameplay that I don't understand, and when you've been around the block for as long as I have, finding something this unusual is a goldmine. It's like discovering a new pokemon in one of the original games, that nobody ever knew was there. I am impressed, and I do not impress easily; much less by anything in this game.
So there you have it. I'm impressed by Andrea, I respect Rodney, and I like Mike. So which of you three should get my vote?
Frankly I don't really know a great way to decide that, because there are great reasons to vote for each of you. So I'm going to have a little fun with this, and take a page out of Natalie Bolton's book.
I want you to romance Parvati. Imagine she's some random person of your preferred gender in a bar or church or wherever it is that you go a-prowlin', and tell me how you'd put the moves on her(him?). I want four very specific things, but you can go as far above and beyond these guidelines as you feel like. Just, keep it PG-13. Some of these jurors are underage.
1) What pickup line(s) would you use to get my attention?
2) Where would we go on our first date? What would we do?
3) If you were to write me a romantic poem, how would it go? (And I will absolutely be googling the hell out of whatever you submit so don't you dare try and search "stupid love poems" to get out of putting the effort into this. I want an actual original poem!)
4) What would be "our song"?
NOTE: This is intended to be fun. Don't take it too seriously, give answers that are exactly as goofy/stupid as you feel like being.
Good luck, bitches! Have fun, don't take anything too seriously! It's just a game, after all.
